Appreciation for alcoholism

John tells me: I am an alcoholic, but I am functional. I am good at hiding my alcoholism from my family. I hate it!

I pause. I feel deep compassion.

I’m thinking: Don’t hate it! How can you hate something that has worked for you for years? Without your addictions how else would you cope? This is the only way you know how to.

Without alcohol, you might be taken offline, frozen in fear and emptiness, unable to get out of bed.

I find my voice and ask John: That part of you that makes you drink if it had a physical form, would it be an animal or a person?

John says: It is like Stella.

In response, I ask: Is Stella like a person or is Stella like a beer brand?

John says: No, it is Stella the buffalo! And he laughed.

John had a history of a traumatic childhood, coming from a broken family. All his life he was told that he was worthless. Alcohol helped him avoid feeling like a “zero,” as he called himself.

I explained to John that Stella the part of him that now drinks alcohol saved him from pain and suffering.

He responds: Yes, the same part of me that drinks alcohol used to take drugs years before.

I told him: Your addiction is not your enemy, it is your unsung hero. It is what helps you stay as functional as you can be, not completely overwhelmed and dazed.

Within a few therapy sessions, John starts to feel grounded and present and not burdened with feelings of unworthiness. He realises that he is able to accept and love himself without having to wait for anyone else to validate him.

John gets a new appreciation for the alcoholic part of him that helped him throughout the years.

He said that Stella the buffalo had morphed into something much slower. It had become Stella the Sloth. That made us both laugh.

Stella the Sloth becomes the part of him that enjoys playing with his kids and taking things easy.

Stella the buffalo was the unsung hero that tried to protect John by numbing the pain of unworthiness. Once the suffering was healed the true essence of Stella the Sloth shone through.

(For the purpose of anonymity, John is a fictional character representing an amalgamation of real issues that clients present in therapy.)

Try this: Take a moment and think of something you are addicted to. It could be online games, the internet, alcohol, or food. Ask yourself: What is my addiction trying to protect me from? Allow space for the answer to come to you. Notice that the addiction part of you is your unsung hero.

Further Reading: Transcending Trauma by Frank Anderson

Vana Papagianni
MSc Psych (Der), DhypPsych(UK), (CHBPP)
Hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, IFS therapy informed