How to “Know Thyself” to feel better
3 min read
I received a desperate message on my phone from Jim. “I’ve just had a panic attack. Tell me when I am going to get better.” I often hear similar questions from clients. They may ask “how long will therapy take?”
But at that moment as I read Jim’s message, I felt defensive.
For the purpose of anonymity, Jim is a fictional character representing an amalgamation of real issues that clients present in therapy.
Because of Jim’s experience of childhood sexual abuse, I tried to be there for him. Within a few months, we made fantastic progress, and his panic attacks had stopped, but a recent event in his life re-traumatised him and caused mistrust in people.
My response to Jim’s question about the duration of therapy was what I typically tell clients: “It depends on the idiosyncrasy of the individual and the number of traumatic events. Typically a simple phobia may take one single hour, while other anxieties such as agoraphobia may take 3 months of weekly or biweekly sessions.”
After my initial response, I paused and reflected. I wanted to figure out what was likely to prevent people from breaking free from psychological ailments.
The answer appeared as if by magic!
If someone suffers from panic attacks, general anxiety or addiction it is imperative they get to “know thyself”, so they can heal.
What does it mean to “know thyself”? Don’t we all know ourselves?
Well, it turns out that we do not. I think of an example where a part of me wants to exercise and another wants to stay in bed for an extra hour.
Okay, I am aware of my internal fight but that is not enough. The part of me that wants to exercise has a personality of its own. It has its own goals, motivations, thinking, feelings, sensations and dreams. The part of me that wants to stay in bed and snooze for an extra hour has a whole other story to tell.
I recognise that I have two personalities within me and if I am ever to resolve this inner conflict, I better get to know them intimately. Ideally, I would help them morph into something tangible, perhaps by making a drawing of them or giving them names. Maybe I would name my characters Sleepy and Athlete.
Negotiating a happy resolution for everyone is only possible by creating inner differentiation. In the circumstance that both Sleepy and Athlete agree to exercise every Monday, but my Sleepy one starts to sneak in on me, I can stand back and remind it of its agreement.
It is only the inner differentiation, the inner awareness of my multiple personalities that can lead to resolution.
Please note that dissociative identity disorder is a mental health diagnosis and completely different from recognising that there are many aspects of ourselves.
In Jim’s case, he mistakenly identified the panic attack with his core qualities and lost his sense of self-distinction.
It is my endeavour that every client of mine including Jim will have no doubt about the diversity of their rich inner world. This is because it is too significant to be reduced to just an addiction or a panic attack.
Only through intimately knowing ourselves can we become experts and masters of our emotional world.
Try this: “Know thyself”. Identify an inner conflict. Perhaps a part of you is anxious and another says that you should not be anxious. Notice their different personalities, motivations and goals.
Vana Papagianni
Further Reading: The Mosaic Mind, Empowering the Tormented Selves of Child Abuse Survivors by Regina A Goulding and Richard Schwartz